x

these days, i'm a different person. i wish i could explain it....well i could, but that would just take to long. i spend way to much time in the kitchen, and not enough time doing my pre-calc. why? because a chef doesn't need to know what "x" equals. i don't even care what it equals. why would i? it's not like solving the equation would change my life, or someone elses dramatically, would it? no it wouldn't. so that's why i spend all my free time finding recipes, and cooking. or maybe i'm doing it because i'm stressed out and upset, not because i hate math. But it's mostly a combination of the two.

The present remblings of my teenaged mind

I was going to post awhile back, but I had nothing postworthy to say
So I didn't
Life has been....hectic
...stressful
...confusing
...annoying
...weird
or maybe it was
...wierd
Same difference
This doesn't make much sense
Does it
I hate shopping
I hate being around other people
It just reminds me how overweight I am
Does that make me antisocial
Maybe
But I can't change that
...well I guess I could
I like rambling
It gets all my thoughts out
I love cake
Seriously
I love cooking
Trying new recipes
Even just reading them
...imagining the taste
...the texture
...the smell
I also love magicians
And illusionists
They are amazing
I wish I knew their secrets
I love secrets too
I have too many of them
Until today Rick Mercer had a secret I didn't know
He's gay
Amazing
I know
I was shocked
Would never have guessed it
But I guess maybe thats old news
But its new to me
This post is going nowhere
I guess it didnt really start anywhere either
I like that
Starting nowhere
Going nowhere
Just being
Here
With you
Without you
Thinking of you
Thinking of the future
Thinking of your future
Thinking of my future
Wondering if they'll be the same thing
Hoping that they will
Wishing that they will
But just not being sure
Of anything

i wish i could...

crash a car (to have the experience)
skip school (with my friends)
shoplift (to feel the adrenaline)
be in a fist fight (to see if i would win)
sneak out of my house (just to have a secret)
go on a blind date (even though i would be so nervous)
lay on my back and watch the clouds go by (it seems so childish, yet i never did it)
go moshing at a huge concert (it would be the best time ever)
make prank phone calls (to all of my teachers at 2:00 in the morning)
catch a snowflake on my tongue (it would be so magical)
dance in the rain (it would be romantic)
write a letter to Santa Claus (and get a reply)
be kissed (under mistletoe)
watch the sunrise (on a beach in jamaica)
jump off a bridge (and not get hurt)
sit on a rooftop (and number the stars)
push someone into a pool (with all their clothes on)
be told i'm hot (by a complete stranger)
crash a partizzle (foshizzle)

Well...

So it's been a week. since my last post
Not much has changed. in these past 7 days
Life is life. still
I guess I can't complain. about much
I've got some great friends. like my sisters
I've got an awesome boyfriend. love him to death
I beat Tom at sudoku a few times. i cheated
I'll be sweet sixteen in sixteen. that's pretty sweet
Mackenzie is coming out tomorrow. for spring break
But drama pretty much sucks. cause people aren't committed
I've been eating way too much lately. i'm really hungry
I went to the doctor yesterday. that was fun
I'm going for a physical too. in june
Do you want to know why? just because
If I had my way I wouldn't go. they scare me
Yeah. i'm weird like that

Am I a M*A*S*H Junkie?

Today I was sick.
I slept till noon.
I read an overdo library book.
It was a gooder.
About 9/11.
Then I drank some tea.
And ate some soup.
I also watched M*A*S*H.
For 3 hours.
That's six episodes.
Now it's stuck in my head.
The voices.
The scenes.
The laughter.
The music.
Hawkeye....
Wooo that's some hotstuff.
Trapper.
Radar.
Frank.
HotLips.
Henry.
Tuttle.
The long-johns.
lol.
I wish you all knew what I was laughing about.
I wish we were all as close as we used to be.
I wish we all still got along.
I wish I still liked all of you.
I wish I didn't have to pretend that I still do.
I wish I could be like Radar.
I wish I could share my secrets.
I wish I knew what to do with my life.
I wish we were all M*A*S*H Junkies