How to live my life to the fullest

OK, so I don't actually know how to do that. I try, but I don't think I'm accomplishing it.

I want to take each day slowly, and savour the moments.
But being a college kid, especially in culinary, doesn't really let you do that. Its always go, go ,go, go ,go. and then sleep.

So two months in and I'm already feeling burnt out. I feel like if I do have spare time, I should be planning for my next rotation (finding recipes/plating designs), or working on various projects due in 1 month, or two months time.

I'm basically feeling stressed out, and unhappy. And the fact that I'm too busy with stupid school to have a social life, with people here or at home or across the country/world, makes me feel more unhappy.

And in respect to relationships, I would love to live with no regrets. To make contact/do what my heart is telling me. But then I'm too scared. Scared I'm wrong, and I'll embarrass myself, and make things awkward.

So I don't really know how to talk to people any more, because I'm worried I'll look like an idiot, or I just don't have the energy to put into trying to have a conversation.

Blah! I hate winter. It starts cooling off outside and I get in a really bad mood

And this was completely random, and strange. And pretty much just my brain over flowing. Sorry

Kismet

True Love Waits
"In a world that constantly bombards us with impurity and immodesty, we feel called to take a stand against what the world is telling is acceptable. Especially in the area of clothing and modesty. We believe that God has one perfect man already chosen for us; therefore we have no need to worry ourselves in searching for him. When the time is right we know God will bring us together. In the meantime we are not hiding in a closet avoiding all males. We are still living our lives, just without the pressure of having to have a boyfriend."
-Barlow Girl


I discovered this quote in my Holman Student Bible on Sunday morning. We were reading from 1 Thessalonians 5:1-22. But at the top of the page, relating to Chapter 4:1-8 was this side note. This bible is actually full of quotes from Missionaries, Religious Leaders, and Christian Bands. It also has stories of Missionary trips, and World Views on selected text. As well as dozens of pictures, maps, timelines, and 2 page background description before each book.

Anyways, I really felt led to read this quote, plus the passage that went along with it. It really spoke to me, and was what I needed to hear right now. I have really been focusing on the opposite sex and trying to force something that maybe isn't supposed to be right now. I think that this is a very important thought for any female, single or in a relationship, to read, remember, and apply.

10 Things I Hate/What I Like About You

Things I hate about the island

• Silly recycling that nobody really understands
  
• They let you on for free, but you have to pay to leave
• It rains. All the time.
  
• The bus schedule is near impossible to figure out
  
• The strange accents the Islanders have
  
• How I don't really know anyone here

Things I like about the island

• The fact that cruise ships are docked in the port right now
  
• $2.00 lattes
  
• It only takes 3, maybe 3.5 hours to drive accross the entire island
  
• Rate of crime is at, like, 1%
  
• Having only seen maybe 5 police cars the month I've been here
  
• Dishwashers named Roberto
  
• The fact that I'm completely surrounded by water
  
• How if I actually think about it, I know more people than I think

So, are you coming?

To the funeral of my blog, of course.

Yes, yes. You're right. It really isn't dead yet. But almost.

Of course I realize I could save it.

But I just don't know if I want to. Life has gotten busy, and will be getting busier.
I feel that in the three weeks we've been on the island, I've already changed. I think I need to change "this" as well. It just doesn't feel like me anymore. I don't even know what "me" is right now. It feels like I got to school, eat, read, sleep, repeat.

I feel like I don't have time to be a human. Or the energy. Just a student for now.
I don't have time to find enjoyment in each day. I just go, and do what I'm told.
I bought two cd's acouple weeks ago. Still haven't listened to either of them.
I brought the Wii. Haven't even played it.

I feel like I'm living on coffee, and junk. Real groceries are too expensive.
And I know that's what makes me feel sick and tired all the time.

And all of this adds up to feeling lonely.
I don't know who I am, or the type of person I want to be (because I could reinvent myself).
I don't have any energy, or time to think about making friends.


And this has just turned into a giant blog of compliants.
When really, I have so much to be thankful and happy for.

But I think I'll leave that for my thanksgiving day post. because I won't be at home, surrounded by the people I'm thankful for.....

Anyways....So if you would like to chat sometime, make my life less sad :( just kidding lol. But yeah. Just text me up, buttercup

I think I'm dumb, do you?

Mr. Brown can moo, can you?

How now Brown cow?

Unique New York

Scotch. Scotch. Scotch.

Yeah I'm done. Finnished. Finito

With everything.

Well not really, things are just getting started

And it's about to get so much worse.

Well not really worse, just crazier- busier.

And now that we're almost at the three week countdown, I'm getting very nervous.

I don't want to start cramming my life into 3 or 4 suitcases, it will make it too real.

I can totally see myself hurrying to pack on the second. And then forgetting stuff.

Do you want to do it for me?

Oh, wouldn't it be great if we had suitcases that packed for us...Yeah I guess those would just be robots or AI...

Well then, I think I'll just be going now. Now that I'm dumb

A New Begining (for who?)

So, the wedding is done.
It went great, atleast for Jodi and Curtis. My zipper split halfway through supper and I ended up wearing a sweater the rest of the night. Not fun, let me tell you. It was sooo hot.
Anyways, I have thoughts I would love to get out of my head. People always confuse me (especially those of the opposite sex?)
What to do. What to do?
Should I start the communication? Wait for them? What if nothing ever happens? What if I'm now overreacting? Maybe I should start underreacting, or just reacting?
Yeah, that sounds good. I'm just going to react from now on. Go with the flow and see what happens.
Thanks that was a good talk

At the Table with.....Adrienne Lennox

So I haven't been doing a whole lot lately. Trying to help with the wedding as little as possible and watching FoodNetwork too much. Which segways into today blogosphere.

Cake. Delicious, moist, dense, mouth-watering cake. I am literally having to mentally restrain myself from going and eating one of the remaining three pieces. It is technically named "White Silver Cake" but I think that's gay. So I think I shall rename it "Don't Be So Vanilla" lol. Anyways it is just vanilla cake, vanilla buttercream frosting between the layers and covering it, and walnuts to garnish! Yay! Seriously one of the best (new) cake recipes I've made in awhile. It is so good, and the family loved so its going to be Jodi's wedding cake (sans walnuts).

Next on the docket....

Pizza Pizza!! But not just any pizza, deep-dish Chicago style pizza. We (Allison and I) got the idea from watching Throwdown with Bobby Flay, but I don't know who won. Bobby Flay is from New York, so he is used to thin crust, flat pizza. Deep dish Chicago is nothing like that. A) It's baked in a different pan. We used two 9'' round cake pans and a large shallow-ish stoneware round. 2) It has two types of oil, butter, cornmeal, and no sugar in the dough. You also don't roll it out, you mold/press it into the pan. 3) You assemble it backwards. Well not quite, the crust is still on the bottom, but first the cheese, then the meat/vegetables, then the sauce. We did top it with parm, but it seemed only right. Anyways...it was great. The crust was buttery and crisp, as expected, but it surprised us by stying together even though it was so thick and there was no cheese to hold the sauce in place. Next time (and we will be making it again) the only change will be less sauce, (and in my opinion less cooking time, it was a bit too crunchy for my liking) but it was still really good.

To finish it off....

Kettle Corn. or at least what I call kettle corn (OK..to be honest I don't think I've ever had real kettle corn. DON'T JUDGE ME!). It's the popcorn of choice in our house, and I've only started making it recently. I was sick of greasy, salty, I-need-something-to-drink popcorn, so I found this. It's crispy, slightly sweet, a little bit salty-but not too much. It's the perfect late night snack. great with a side of Craig Ferguson.

Bon Apetite mon amis!!

Waste

So....

um yeah.

I have just found out that my Dad doesn't want us to go to college in PEI. That he has been completely opposed to it from the beginning. And this is the first I'm hearing of it.

He now is saying that it is too expensive to move us down there. Too expensive for us to stay in a hotel until we can move in, and rent a car for a couple days. Too expensive??? It isn't any more money than what they spend on their yearly winter vacations. Which they don't have to do.

He now thinks that the large amount of money that is being spent on my one year of school is a waste. He thinks that I won't be able to get a job with the course I'm taking. He doesn't think that we need to go all the way across the country. And I'm just being told now.

This makes me incredibly angry.
Angry at the fact that he's just saying it now.
Angry because he claims that he's said it before.
Angry that he doesn't understand the variety of jobs I could do after this, even though I've told him before.

He thinks that the career I've chosen will be too difficult, full of long days and little vacations. Yes I know this. I have worked in a kitchen.
He thinks that I should do something else, and use pastry as a hobby.
But what? I will never have a desk job, or be stuck in a cubicle. That's not me, I would be ready to die before my first coffee break. If this is my passion and what I have a talent for, why would I?

I know that what I am choosing will be tough, strenuous, and testosterone filled. I will not have regular hours, vacations or weekends off. I might burn out by the time I'm 40, but hopefully I'll have my own successful place by then. I know I won't make a lot of money, unless I become famous (but I will never sell my soul to FoodNetwork), but why do I need to be rich? As long as I'm not living from pay cheque to pay cheque, I'm still always passionate about food, and I have my friends and family, I know I'll be fine.

somewhere

So I tried to sleep.

But my thoughts are still racing, spinning in circles.

Spinning out of control.


Its strange how my best writing, my best thoughts come while I am lying in the dark.

Not quite asleep, not quite awake but stuck somewhere in between.


And if I continue to lie here,

Continue to succumb to the darkness the thoughts become more profound.

But I will never really know because then I sleep,

And the genius is lost.


So I try to capture it,

But as I sit up and reach for a pen it begins to disappear,

To slip out of my mental grasp and retreat into hiding.

Until I close my eyes and relax my mind and let my literary monster out.

The old one two

What you can do with two fingers (index and middle):
take a pulse
smooth your eyelid
smoke a cigarette
pull a bow
make a peace sign
operate a finger puppet
cross them for luck
give a military salute in Poland
type clumsily
shoot a pretend gun
poke an enemy in the eyes
make a scissors shape (to help you look for scissors)
wind wool or string round them
do rabbit's ears behind someone in a photo
separate strands of hair when cutting it
pull on a tight shoe
add off-spin to a cricket delivery
make a “quotations” sign
mime one horn of a charging bull
make a little walking man
signal the number two
measure the proper froth on some beers or a shot of spirits
make a goal in tuppenny football
strum a bass guitar
flick cards
make the scout's pledge
whistle loudly
count to two

....now, how many of those did you try?

odd jobs

So I've been thinking a lot about possible career choices lately. Here are some real jobs that would be interesting.

-pirate (they still exist)

-master cheese maker

-exercise instructor

-astronomer (nothing scientific though, just looking at stars)

-perfumer (like, sniffing perfumes to see if they smell good)

-pet food tester (cause dogs will eat anything)

-whiskey ambassodor (advises people on how to appreciate whiskey)

-nut steamer (immerses almonds, pecans etc in hot water to soften shells)

-odd bundle worker (arranges tobacco leaves on conveyor belt)

-scarf gluer (glues together plywood pieces)

-targeteer (tests accuracy of weapons)

-worm picker (walks in grassy fields to finds worms for bait)

-yeast pusher (transfers yeast from fermenting cellar to holding tank)

This is just random thoughts and ramblings......... ... ... .. .

i hate my legs. they are way too long

i should be exercising. jessica must miss me

i wonder when we changed. why didn't i see it till it was done

i think you need to grow up. maybe i need to...

i know i'm a bad friend most of the time. or maybe all of the time

i care to much about what everyone thinks of me. even complete strangers

i have a lot of trouble being in a relationship. purely platonic or otherwise

kismet?

utopia?

...

The beginning of the end. or something like that...

So in about 12 hours from now I will no longer be an Elkhorn employee. I will pack up my knives, hang up my jacket and leave. Am I sad? Not really. I'm looking forward to sleeping. To finishing my math. And to trying to get myself in shape. So my time will still be filled with general activities, though I won't have to drive 2 hours everyday to achieve it.
Will I miss my job? I will miss the people, the friendships I've made. and I will miss the money. Which brings me to my real topic. What do I do next? OK, so for the next 3 months I finish school, plan grad, and try to spend the least amount of money possible. Then what? That is the question.
I feel like I literally have a million possible choices. I could live with Jodi and work anywhere in Brandon, or I could work up at Clear Lake somewhere. And I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm on this path, the right path. But there are so many side trails that I could take, trails that aren't necessarily right, but they could be fun. You know?
So my question to you, dear reader(s) is this: What should I spend my summer doing? I will literally give the best/most helpful answer a prize.

HUH?.....Have U Heard?

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a
Self-Knowing Self-Improving Extrovert

Yeah.

The one thing that can stop Zombie. Cupcake.
And they've finally met.

Oh, The Office. How I've Missed Thee

His Boss- "Now we have to pay for it, and it cost thirty-five hundred dollars."
Michael- "Five thousand, three hundred dollars for a doll?"

Michael- "That one makes me think of death, its kinda nice."

Andy- "Breakfast? They didn't...Unless you mean when they had soup. Does soup stand for breakfast?"

Michael- "So it wasn't Dwight after all. It looks like I'm the killer...Great twist..Great twist......."

Jim- "50% of marriages end in divorce, so its either her parents or mine."

Michael- "I've got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this."

Pam- "When you're a kid you always think that your parents are soulmates. Our kids are going to be right."

10 Days Later..........So I've been curious as to how long/big you can make your title before blogger decides that you're stupid and forces you to act

*continued from above*

tually type your post in the message box.

Ok, so apparantly it isn't that much. I didn't even get to finish my sentence.

Right....so now that that experiment is over I don't really want to be typing anything, but I know that I should. You guys must be dieing for a good read by now ;)

So in the last 10 days I: got paid, got my parents back, went back to work (yay....[more on that later]), got my hair dyed/highlighted/cut/bang-ed, wasted most of my money because I hadn't been working so I didn't really have income, saw Kyle, sent Allison on a plane, went dress shopping (and surprised myself with the choice), and decided that I pretty much never want to work ever again.

THE END

XKCD

Basically my favorite one ever. When you hover over it on the site, its says that it is sadly a true story lol

Time off?

its good. at times. i think winter makes me lazy, or something. i don't really have the energy to do stuff anymore. i know that i should be doing something, but i can't force myself to do it.

but back to time off. the first week was good, now its mediocre. now i'm in charge. no, i don't have to be. but somebody has to. do you have any idea how physically/mentally exhausting it is to run a house? drag myself out of bed, let bruno out, feed the dogs, make coffee, get ready for school, start the car, go to school, get the mail, deposit dad's cheques, plan supper, buy groceries, drive home, make supper, keep house clean, do laundry, take out garbage, take grandma and grandpa their mail/ check that they're ok, water plants, check dehumidifier, listen to yellow pump, answer daily call from neufelds :), collapse on couch, lock doors, drag myself to bed, have nightmares about basement flooding/ lane filling with snow/ car quiting on allison while driving, rinse & repeat.

ok, yes, i might be exaggerating (might be), but still. I'm tired. And it doesn't seem like any amount of time off will help.