Please don't think differently of me/This isn't meant to be preachy

Church. That's the topic of today, and I hope you stick around to read it. You don't have to, its kind of confusing.
I love going to church, I really do. Maybe at one point I went because that's what our family did, but now I go for me. Even though I don't have the greatest spiritual relationship, I'm not a mega-christian. I don't know what I am, I'm so much more open minded than most Christians I know. Which sometimes makes me feel like I'm failing at this, and I'm not one. But after a long, stressful, sad week it makes me feel better. Uplifts my spirit.

I went the better part of the summer not going to church, and I missed it. Yeah, I was at a church camp. But it really wasn't churchy at all. Chapel would mainly be singing kids songs, with one verse read quickly in the middle. Don't get me wrong, I love songs. They can be wonderful tools for teaching and praise. But when nobody even looks at a Bible the whole summer, and there's no real emphasis on religion, the campers, counsellors, and staff aren't going to be going anywhere spiritually.
But, maybe it was just different this year because there wasn't really anyone just in charge of Chapel? If I didn't love cooking so much I might go back next year and take that position, but I would rather feed people physically.

Anyways...that got off topic. So yeah, two months of not real church. And I hate to admit it, but I don't read my Bible. I know I should, and maybe that's the problem. I don't like other people telling me how I should do this. And it just feels like a history lesson :( But now I'm going to church regularly again, and its wonderful. My church here is unfortunately better than small town Manitoba. I feel bad thinking like that, but its the truth.
Its youthful, and vibrant and alive. The emotional energy in that building was unreal this morning. Maybe I'm turning into a crazy hippie, but I really could feel this positive energy. The songs were so meaningful, and everyone is just so happy to be there. Happy to be alive, praising God for it.

And then it just hit me. If you can't see that, see that everything we have is from God. Can't admit there is a God and deny his existence. I just don't understand that. I look around at this city, and our country, and the world. And how can you deny a Creator? How do people believe this all evolved randomly from nothing? Then to go through life, with nothing to look forward to at the end? Not believing there's something better after all this?

But you know what? Some days I see how people could think like that. Terrible things happen in the world, innocent people die, and its hard for us to understand why. And sometimes there's stuff in the Bible, or preached at church that is hard for us to understand, believe, grasp. But that's part of it. Having faith in something you don't understand. In something bigger than yourself.

Life isn't easy, but having a religion to help explain things sometimes makes it better and helps you through.

And maybe none of this makes sense to you. It really is just ramblings from my brain. I don't know everything. I might not even know anything. And I'm not claiming to be right. These are just my thoughts and opinions.