Wishing, wanting, yours for the taking

So. I'm probably the frumpiest person alive right now. And for no real reason.

Don't you  hate when that happens? Oh...it only happens to me?

I tried to remedy it. Went and sat by the water. Fueled my addiction. Just tried to relax.

Didn't help.

Well maybe.

Did some thinking. Which lead to praying. Which didn't go well...all I could think was "there's just too much. Too much to pray for. Too much I'm worrying about. Too much stuff wrong."

So that lead to talking to myself...which was really just a half-hearted pep talk. Didn't make me feel better.

So then we were back to thinking.

About the last time I was just sitting, staring at this lake.

He was beside me, and we had all just finished swimming for the last time. But we we're alone, sitting on the dock. Just being.

I don't know what he was thinking about, but I was just trying to remember that moment.

Of just being with him, feeling alone yet being together. Quiet.

Feeling the sun on my face, and his hand in mine.

Maybe a part of me knew it was special, being there with him. The last time, of many times that summer, that we'd be down at the water. Alone.

Because he didn't come back this year.

And I'm finding this more difficult than expected.

Limited communication, with a couple 24 hour stretches of nothing.

Its only been a week, yet I don't know how to do this for 3 months.

Being away from most of the people I'm usually around.

Missing them all like crazy.

And wondering if they really need me, as much as I need them.